School life: A tussle between grades and self-esteem

When people ask me, do you wish to go back to school again? To which my answer always has been a big no, not because I didn't enjoy my school life any less but because it made me believe that nothing other than marks comes first. When it came to choosing between curricular and co-curricular activity, one always had to choose the former and pay no need to the latter option no matter how good he was in it. The times when I chose the latter and gave more of my time in practicing during school hours, asking the subject teachers for its permission kicked the shit out of me cause those glaring eyes at me conveyed one thing straight that it's a sin to keep your interest first and that the feeling of repentance will follow someday. It does make me realise how hard I have been on myself but now being free from the knots of all the drama , I find myself in a way more relaxed state of mind, it's actually easier to understand what complexities existed back then.

I turn back and realise that I had tried hard enough to be in the good books of my teachers but that's not something I regret about. The fact that makes me quiver is that it's easier to certify your character certificate on the basis of how much you've been performing in your class assessments. Your worth is measured by how many answers you are able to speak out loud whenever questioned. In short, we were defined by the marks that we scored. It's indeed challenging to cope up with the resistance that starts to build up in your mind against the idea of going to school and yet, somehow you wake up every morning with a scrunched face which is more like living a life of a working man.

No matter how much reluctant I am to leave my home sweet home after every long semester-end breaks, but I will always be thankful to college life for breaking me free from the ball of illusions and for bringing me in touch with what real struggles are and how absurd my insecurities and the so-called life struggles were back then.
Just one test gone bad and see everyone change their colours. It's like being stuck with the herd and chasing till you choke, a never-ending rat race that takes away the original you and leaves you with a baggage of self-doubt, anxiety, insecurities, vague state of mind.

If you see closely, we humans who proclaim to be the master all things, are the ones who never find themselves purely happy at any stage of life. In school back then, we were more eager to be promoted to the next class cause that one teacher's nonsensical intensions and acts made us feel like running away from the everyday clutters of life. Also, we as kids admired the idea of going to college, following no uniform, breaking away rules and living life king size but then you see, we ain't happy cause the whole idea projected by us was just an inspiration taken from Kjo's shitty movies. Yet, college life, in lot many ways, has showed us the true mirror and that how important it is to come out of your home, face the world and survive. Not just that, be a part of all that which makes your soul happy cause marksheet with A+ is not everything and that a great career can be made out of any fucking thing that you are passionate about.

Too many life lessons taken, yet too many more to grasp. Hope reading this makes you ponder over things that you never showed much care about but impacted you from within.